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Lesbian Whoa. You need to ad a little touch of the smells. The flat metallic taste of used steam folding over the pungent odor of oil and grease. The crisp fresh breath of sheets on the bunk. Her sweetness on the pillow when he awoke. A lovely story, Melissa. The fuck did he know Lesbian Moscow chat about any of this anyhow? All he was was a nose. Girls from men's magazines.
The rest of the paragraph was perfect as written in terms of how the smells hit him how the choices of foods impacted his psyche.. so that first sentence was best omitted. Additionally, since the story built up the idea of Joe having a happy or fulfilled home life, I was expecting some level of development to contribute to that. However, this is probably the biggest let down in the story, because this really wasn't addressed at all, except by I think one passing or Mark Dorothy made, and basically Joe coming to live with Dorothy or at least at her dad's garage? Now, you deal with the feelings of the holiday, and you deal with the hustle and bustle of all the soldiers returning, but you also miss some really easy historical markers that would make your story feel much more genuine: for example, the easiest one was to have listed the Hershey's candy bar as selling for 5 cents, which was what candy bar sold for then and was even something my mother told me repeatedly, because she grew up very poor during World War II, and the few times they had some extra money, as a result of one of the uncle sending back some money to try to help them out.. that was when they could go by this one convenience store close to where they got off the bus, and they could buy a candy bar for 5 cents. So why you avoided that when you've gone to some trouble or even extensive detail in some of your stories.. this is a really easy piece of historical information to include, yet you avoided it. Why? Furthermore, you could have mentioned Joe paying $2.35 for his breakfast at the diner, because that would have been how much it cost in that year. I easily looked these things up on Google to confirm my suspicions, so to not nail down your story with some interesting historical facts.. Deus ex mankind divided stopgame.7,200 Followers.
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