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There were at least six to eight examples of that on the first page probably at least three to four on the second page just as a casual observation. Another thing that struck me was when you mentioned Joe entering the diner, where you said something to the effect of the warmth from the diner was real. That was an extremely awkward sentence that didn't really fit in the rest of the paragraph. I'm not sure if you had a beta reader or several beta readers, but somebody missed that.. because it almost makes no sense unless you were going to say that he fell asleep in the diner and then woke up and had to be reminded that he was in a real place. The rest of the paragraph was perfect as written in terms of how the smells hit him how the choices of foods impacted his psyche.. so that first sentence was best omitted. Additionally, since the story built up the idea of Joe having a happy or fulfilled home life, I was expecting some level of development to contribute to that. However, this is probably the biggest let down in the story, because this really wasn't addressed at all, except by I think one passing or Mark Dorothy made, and basically Joe coming to live with Dorothy or at least at her dad's garage? Now, you deal with the feelings of the holiday, and you deal with the hustle and bustle of all the soldiers returning, but you also miss some really easy historical markers that would make your story feel much more genuine: for example, the easiest one was to have listed the Hershey's candy bar as selling for 5 cents, which was what candy bar sold for then and was even something my mother told me repeatedly, because she grew up very poor during World War II, and the few times they had some extra money, as a result of one of the uncle sending back some money to try to help them out.. Gay chat Komsomolsk.”I mean I suppose I can rotate the boys into inhabiting him now and then, so we don't have to change his diaper.
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